Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
