I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
