it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
