I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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