I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
