This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
