I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
