It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
