My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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