She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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