I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
