the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
