Jerry, you need to find god
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
