the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
