Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
