He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
