"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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