the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
