So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
