I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
