On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
