i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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