They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
