i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
