the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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