wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
