her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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