We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
