I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
