We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
