I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
