I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
