And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
