Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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