does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
