I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
