i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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