I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
