Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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