I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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