I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
