She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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