Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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