i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
