thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need a beard to bite.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
