Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
