i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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