Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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