Ambien. No doubt about it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
