Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
