you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
