saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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