I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
