Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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