I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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