people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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