I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
