Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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