We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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