just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
