I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
