He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
