Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
